WEDNESDAY 2/15/12

Mike Sirois has an event tonight!  From 6-10 PM check out Trinity Hall onn Mockingbird Lane.  It has something to do with judging bartenders.  I'm going to be there.  You should be there too.  That's my lead news story for today. 

BONNAROO 2012 LINEUP ANNOUNCED
Here's the link for the entire lineup.
http://lineup.bonnaroo.com/

Headliners: Radiohead, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Phish

Here is my custom lineup.  The criteria is bands that I would actually pay to see if they came in town on their own.  Obviously at a festival you'd check out a lot of things, but here's the list of bands that I would actually be excited to see.

http://lineup.bonnaroo.com/user/791261/bands

Cool.  I think I would choose Hangout Festival over Bonnaroo this year.  We're still waiting on the ACL lineup.  Party.


TORTURE MOVIES
I've thought about this for a long time, but I think now I have a reason to type about it.  Yesterday during "Community Quick Hits", Corby did the story about a local man who sexually tortured a woman for 12 days.  The link is here.

I know that nutjobs are nutjobs and any normal person can separate movies from real life, but do you think this stuff would happen if it weren't for the torture in movies like the "Saw" series or "Hostel"?  I realize torture has been happening in movies for decades, so I want it to be clear that i'm not calling out those two specific film series.  I just wonder if people get ideas from all the disturbing things they see.

The Corsicana man in the story linked above apparently was getting revenge.  He had tried to get in her pants years back, and she "thwarted his advances" as Danny Balis put it.

Look, the guy is a psychotic jerkface, but I hear about stories like this and I can't help but think that there is some motivation from the torture scenes in certain horror films.

Just a thought.  I don't know.  Maybe i'm a moron.


OLD PEOPLE IN COLLEGE
I fully support going back to college or finally going to college to get your degree, or to just accomplish something.  I also think most old college students are really annoying.  In my experience, they talk too much, they ask way too many questions, and they aren't nearly as funny as they think they are.  I've come across a couple olds in college that were actually genuinely awesome, but for the most part they creep me out and annoy me, not to mention everyone else in the class.

Here's a story of a guy who is either a pervert, or the most innocent romance writer of all-time.


WORST SWINGS OF 2011
The great Jeff Sullivan of Lookoutlanding.com (a Seattle Mariners fansite) put together a compilation of the 10 worst swings of 2011.  Of course Vladdy made the list.

DINOSAURS
Hey remember that television show "Dinosaurs"?  I barely do, but for some reason I thought about it the other day.  I'm sure it was awful.

It's hump-day so go hump somebody.  Con-sensually.

Also, if you want to go see The Polyphonic Spree at the Sons of Hermann Hall on Thursday night, then buy your tickets at Good Records.  Tickets are 20 bucks each.  It's a really fun show, and you won't regret it.

KT

VALENTINE'S DAY 2012

I refuse to consider Valentine's Day a holiday.  Why should you wait until one day a year to tell someone that you love them?  Yeah i'll be the cynical asshole here.  Valentine's Day is stupid.

The easy thing to do is say that I think Valentine's Day is stupid because i'm not married or because I don't have a girlfriend(s).  Yeah, I guess that makes sense.  I'm sure if I had somebody that I cared about then I would play along and take it serious, but I don't have that right now so Valentine's Day is really not my problem.  Problem?  Yes, it's a problem.  There are a very small percentage of men who like Valentine's Day.  It's an obligation to remember it or to have something planned.  Guys don't like that.  The few that do like Valentine's Day have weird reasons for it that I won't even get in to.  The only good thing about Valentine's Day is that at the end of the day, if everything went well, there's a lot of wild ass sex happening.  And we here at the Kevin Turner Blog love wild ass sex.


SOMEONE WILL DIE ON COMMUNITY
Joel McHale recently said that someone will die in an upcoming episode of Community.  The show still has no return date, but I would expect NBC brings it back at the end of March or the beginning of April.  So who will die?  I assume it won't be one of the main seven.  Abed, Annie, Britta, Jeff, Pierce, Shirley, and Troy should all be safe.

Below are my predictions in order of who I think will die on Community.

1. Leonard

2. Starburns

3. Magnitude (POP POP!)

FANGRAPHS: EXTENDING HAMILTON OR NAPOLI?
I don't really have a lot today, but check out this article from Mark Klaassean of Fangraphs.com.

http://www.fangraphs.com/blogs/index.php/hamilton-napoli-or-other/


GREATEST LOVE SONG OF ALL-TIME

HAVE A HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

KT

MONDAY 2/13/12: IT'S SO COLD IN THE D

Last night was the Grammy's.  I watch the Grammy's every year, just as I do the Emmy's and to a lesser extent the Golden Globes.  The Emmy's are about as legit as it gets when it comes to awards shows, but the Grammy's are a joke.  They gave out less than 10 awards during the actual broadcast.  I'm fine with a few performances, but I want to watch the Grammy Awards, not the Grammy Concert.  There were very few highlights, but the highlight of the night was Dave Grohl's speech.  I proclaim this, the best speech in Grammy's history.

Grohl bashed artists for using computers and making themselves sound perfect, while the Foo Fighters wrote their album in a garage.  The Grammy's are nothing more than a platform, and what is put on that platform is a complete fabrication of what music is.  It's crazy, but that's the world we live in.  A world where MTV (Music Television), doesn't even have any music programming.  A world where reality television (which is scripted) does well in ratings.  I have more Grammy HSO's but i'll leave them out of the blog.  Follow me @KT1310 on twitter and scroll through my timeline and you'll fine nothing but Grammy tweets from last night.  I'm a joyful person, but the Grammy's bring out the devil in me.  I hate the Grammy's.

WHITNEY HOUSTON WON'T BE DOWN FOR BREAKFAST
Can't say I know a whole lot about her catalog.  I know that she performed the second greatest National Anthem of all time...seen below....

Rumors are that she wasn't really singing, but i'm not going to be an asshole and reduce her--especially since she's dead.

I remember her in "The Bodyguard".  It's not a movie I watched but my memory tells me Costner was in the movie.  I could be wrong, but that's when the "and IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII........WILL ALLLLLWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUOHHHHUUUUUUU" song happened.  I just don't know.  I know she had a relationship with Bobby Brown.  His greatest work can be seen below...

I know her and Bobby did a lot of drugs together.  Rumors are that she was with Ray-J or something, and that they were possibly dating.  I just don't know much anymore.  Whitney Houston, dead at the age of 48.  Stay hard, Whitney!

If you'll notice, in the first paragraph I said that her 1991 National Anthem was the second greatest rendition ever.  Here's the greatest...

MAJOR SOCIETY ISSUE OR DO GIRLS JUST LIKE VIOLENCE?
Chris Brown performed twice at last night's Grammy Awards.  If you remember, he's the guy that flipped out on Rhianna and beat the crap out of her.  I'm still amazed that someone from her posse didn't cap him.  He's an animalistic psychopath, and his only real talent is dancing.  Here's something I found that was linked up to me from the great David Olshansky of CW33.

Seriously, click the link.  It's shocking.

ANOTHER PARKS AND REC GUEST
ERIC!!!

Yes, Bradley Whitford will apparently guest star later this season on Parks and Recreation.  This move also unites Whitford with his co-star from The West Wing, Rob Lowe.  Parks and Recreation will have Louie C.K. on Thursday, and has already had Paul Rudd this season.  Awesome!

BOMBING
I was involved in one of the great photo-bombing incidents of 2011 with this picture from Sports Radio 1310 The Ticket's Summer Bash!

Here is one of the best videobomb's i've ever seen.  The difference is that this is accidental.

EXTRA BOMBS
And here is a collection of some other photo-bombing incidents that I was involved in.

Get your Monday on!

KT

POST-SUPER BOWL MONDAY 2/6/12

So there was a football game last night.  The New York Giants are your 2011 NFL Champions.  They beat the Patriots 21-17.  Congratulations to the Giants, proving once again that the hottest team heading into the playoffs is usually a pretty good bet.  I have some fundamental problems with the Patriots clock management at the end of the game.  Clock management is made so much easier if you commit to something.  The Patriots did not commit to letting the Giants score until after they had taken one of their remaining timeouts.

Hard to believe that Eli has more super bowl victories than Peyton, but it's true.  Congrats to Tom Coughlin and the Giants.

Didn't really get a chance to pay attention the commercials, and when I did watch closely nothing really seemed to stand out.

As for the halfitme show, I think Madonna did a decent job.  She clearly wasn't singing, but who really does at the Super Bowl anymore?  I'll take her over the Black Eyed Peas anyday.  Picking a Super Bowl halfitme act is difficult because you need to choose someone that appeals to the masses, but also hasn't performed before.  I think her new song sucks.  i think Nicky Minaj and M.I.A were pretty much useless and unneeded in the performance.  I was entertained.  In the end that's the job of the halftime entertainment.  I also really like the song, "Like a Prayer" so I guess if she didn't play that at all then I would sour a bit on the presentation.

With that, we have moved on from football and pitchers and catchers report in a little over two weeks.  I could use some baseball.

I'm going to be lazy today.  No links, except for the video for Cirque TV Episode 8 which is below.

Have a happy Monday.

KT

Happy Friday.  This Friday will be the Friday of our Fridays.....what...

RELAPSE
Of course this is going to be the lead story.  Reports surfaced last night that Josh Hamilton relapsed.  I feel like the smart thing to do is hold off on any hardcore opinions until Josh comments and tells us what exactly happened.  The reports are very murky in terms of any definite information.  Gerry Fraley of the Dallas Morning News reported that Ian Kinsler appeared at the establishment in order to persuade Hamilton to go home.  The Rangers released a statement saying they were aware of the situation, but had no comment at this time.  Josh deserves a chance to either come clean or defend himself and I suspect that'll happen sometime this weekend.

I've got a ton of thoughts, but i'll keep it quick because the deeper thoughts don't need to be published until I hear Josh speak on this situation.

Is anybody really surprised here?  I'm not.  This could be a completely overblown thing, or it could be a serious problem.  Chances are it's a little bit of both.  I have a hard time believing Josh hasn't had a beer since the Arizona relapse.  He's a major league baseball player out on the road with his buddies for a large part of 9 months.  There's probably going to be a beer or two.  He could have a beer or two with a couple teammates and those teammates will personally make sure it doesn't transform into more than that.  Addiction is not a thing involving fine lines.  There's no quick fix.  This is a constant battle.  We have no idea, and most of the public has no idea how difficult this battle is for Josh.  It's neverending.

Now to the business side of things...doesn't this make the Rangers extension dilemma a lot easier?  I think it does.  I think the Rangers would love to have him back after this season, but he'll need to sign a club friendly deal.  That's what I prefer.  I've heard rumors of 12-15 million on the open market, but I don't think anybody would seriously give him that.  I've long been of the thought that the Rangers should let Josh walk after this season, but should ink him to an extension as long as he'll do a club friendly deal.  By club friendly, I mean no more than 6-8 million a year.

No matter what, we should wait this out though.  I truly hope Josh is okay and that everything is straight in his life.  I'm concerned though.  I'm concerned that this could get blown way out of proportion, but i'm even more concerned for Josh and his family.  Stay tuned....

SUPER BOWL
The Super Bowl is Sunday.  I guess i'm going to give some sort of lukewarm sports opinion on it.  I think the Giants will win.  There are so many similarities with the Giants and last year's Packers.  Nobody ever seems to point it out (they point out Detroit beating Tampa Bay instead), but the Packers don't make the playoffs last year if DeSean Jackson doesn't make that game winning punt return for a touchdown against Philadelphia in Week 14 or 15.  Somehow that always gets swept under the rug.  That punt return is this year's Miles Austin "lost it in the lights play".  If Tony Romo connects with Miles Austin on that wide open play in the first Cowboys and Giants meeting, then the Cowboys win the division and make the playoffs while the Giants sit at home.  The Giants hit a stride, got players healthy, and have cruised through the playoffs in the same manner the Packers did last year.  Obviously, it'd be rediculous to count Tom Brady and the Patriots out.  They were my pick on Monday of this week, but i've slowly changed my mind.  I expect a great game.  I truly do.  It's a game where I don't really like either team at all, but I also don't really hate either team at all.  It doesn't excite me like some Super Bowls do, but I still think it'll be a great game.  There's nothing like the Super Bowl.

MASTERS OF SEX
One of my favorite actresses Lizzy Caplan is finally getting her own show.  Caplan, of Party Down fame, will star with Michael Sheen in a Showtime program that is an adaptation of something about sexual research.  Haven't looked that far into it honestly, but Caplan is a personal favorite of mine thanks to Party Down.  Here's the article from AV CLUB.  

REVIEW OF LAST NIGHT'S PARKS AND REC "OPERATION ANN"
From an overall standpoint, very little has been written for Rashida Jones' character Ann Perkins this season.  That doesn't mean she's not important.  If anything, she's essential to the show.  Leslie needs her as a best friend, and one of my favorite relationships in the history of Parks and Recreation is the relationship (or lack thereof) between April Ludgate and Ann Perkins.

Also, Ron loves riddles, Aziz Ansari's cousin's name is Harris so it was funny to see that be the name of one of Ann's speed dates, Martin Starr is in this episode (Roman from Party Down), and the emo kid Orin returns as well.  There's so much more, and i'm sure Alan Sepinwall will hit on some of these things, so i'll direct you to his review because he's a lot better at reviews than I am.

I honestly haven't read his review yet, I just did the linkage.  No matter what he thought of the episode, I really liked it.  I think I probably get accused of being a homer for this show, but right now i'm finding that it can really do no wrong.

You need to have a good Friday!

KT

GROUNDHOG DAY 2012

First of all, we had local sports last night.  The Mavericks and Thunder played their third contest of the year with the Mavs losing a tough one.  Dallas appeared to get the shaft in the second half on multiple bad calls, but that's the way basketball go.

And the Dallas Stars took on the Anaheim Ducks led by Gordon Bombay.  The Stars found a way to handle the knucklepuck of Tyler Russ, and the Ducks couldn't rally around the leadership of Charlie Conway.  The Stars pick up two very much needed points and the playoff plot thickens for Dallas.

THE PACKERS BACKUP QB HAS A HOT GIRLFRIEND

Matt Flynn is probably about to make a lot of money when he signs with a spare NFL team with quarterback issues.  Despite one pretty good NFL start, and one really good NFL start against a crappy secondary, he's going to make bank bro.  We, here at The Kevin Turner Blog, have found out that he's definitely getting ass.  

Let's see how she compares to Aaron Rodgers' alleged girlfriend Destiny Newton.

MAN KILLS A GUY, THEN ADOPTS HIS OWN GIRLFRIEND...

Uhh, read the article for details.  I think the details are way too sketchy, and the lead gets buried.  How in the hell is his long time girlfriend, a 42 year old, up for adoption?  

The second aspect of the story is that this almost has a Breaking Bad vibe to it.  Somehow by adopting her, he's leaving her a lot of money in the case that he goes to prison.

SHOWTIME 

I have a Showtime t-shirt.  That's not important to this part of the blog post.  Showtime announced yesterday that they've renewed Californication for a 6th season. Shameless for a 3rd season, and House of Lies for a 2nd season.  I dumped out of House of Lies after 2 episodes, although I like the cast of Don Cheadle, Kristen Bell, and Ben Schwartz (Jean-Ralphio).  I don't watch Shameless, but it's something I could see myself getting into at some point.  I do watch Californication.  I'll never consider it one of the epic all-time great shows of our time, but it's a really fun watch even though this season has been lacking.  It's definitely a shell of it's former self, but entertaining as hell.  Not sure how much gas it has left, and I kind of thought this season might be the last but apparently that's not the case.  Showtime continues to provide competition for HBO, and the world might just be a better place because of that.  The second clause of the last sentence I typed makes no sense.

SURVEY ON WOMEN

Some magazine called Ask Men UK conducted a survey on the most desirable women.  I have a few fundamental problems with surveys in general, but specifically on this list with Lana Del Rey being on it.  I just don't get it I guess.  Very funny to see Pippa ranked above Kate Middleton.  I love me some Pippa.  Here's the list.  

1. Zooey Deschanel

2. Emma Watson

3. Daisy Lowe

4. Lana Del Rey

5. Mila Kunis

6. Pippa Middleton

7. Katy Perry

8. Rihanna

9. Tulisa Contostavlos

10. Kate Middleton

Just to be clear, the above list is not my list. My list would look like the list below if we are going under the criteria of "desirable".

1. Aubrey Plaza
2. Alison Brie
3. Rashida Jones
4. Scarlett Johannson
5. Mila Kunis


METEOR

Apparently a meteor blew through the sky and landed somewhere in the area last night.  I didn't see it or hear it or feel it for that matter, but I saw the pictures on Facebook.  Pretty crazy stuff, wish I could have seen it like everyone on my timeline claims they did. 

GROUNDHOG DAY

The legend goes that if the groundhog named Phil sees his shadow, then we get 6 more weeks of winter.  If he doesn't, then we get an early spring.  I think it's pretty stupid, because how in the hell do we know what the groundhog is actually seeing.  Either way, I guess it doesn't really matter as long as the temperature remains the way it has been for the last week or so.  I'm not dumb enough to expect it to remain this way, but you never know.  

Mushmouth Thomas should get his own day.  He's more badass than Poonanny Phil or whatever his name is.

I bid you good day!

KT

FEBRUARY BEGINS

EASTBOUND AND DOWN SEASON 3 TRAILER

Season 3, the final season, begins on Sunday, February 19th
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SO THERE'S THIS GIRL THAT I LOVE...

And she stars in this music video as a crazy person.
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MORE BAD NEWS FOR SNL

Paul Brittian, currently a spare piece on SNL is leaving the show effective immediately to pursue other projects.  He's definitely not a household name, but I for some reason still never miss an episode of SNL.  Obviously I don't watch it live thanks to the DVR era, but I still sometimes wonder why I even waste the time.  It's been a struggle for SNL of late, and that should continue to get worse when Jason Sudekis and Kristen Wiig leave after this season.  Could SNL be coming to an end?  I doubt it, but they definitely need a reboot in terms of writing.  I honestly think the talent is there to an extent.  It'll be interesting to see what additions the cast makes in the fall of this year, but for now it finds itself even more shorthanded as Brittian is out.
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JACK WHITE

I know i'm like 48 hours late to the party, but here's "Love Interruption" from Jack White's new solo record Blunderbuss which will be released in April.  As much as I wish he'd get back to work with The Raconteurs, this is a really awesome track so i'm looking forward to see what this album has to offer.  I'm not a Dead Weather fan so hopefully that project is done for good.  He's definitely a big name so going forward as Jack White seems like a really good idea if that's what he wants to do.  I say do it!

http://stereogum.com/936372/jack-white-love-interruption/mp3s/
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SEXPOCALYPSE
After I read this article I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on.  I still feel this way.  As Gordon Keith frequently says, "I am insane now".
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The weather here in Dallas is fantastic!  Have a great Wednesday!

KT