ZERO DARK THIRTY REVIEW

Cowboys Stadium, Arlington, Texas

Sunday, March 31st, 2013

2:39 PM

My overall movie watching game is as poor as the smell of Tim McGraw’s new cologne. I normally wouldn’t know that, but I took a bottle for free at a Ticket road show.  So now, my goal is to start getting around to watching all these movies that people have been hyping up. Why am I so late? I don’t know. I know I’m very familiar with that question, as my girlfriend (?) offers that up almost daily.  I’m not sure. I get behind. I don’t have time. I have to take care of “that one thing”.  All valid excuses, but mainly I think it comes down to an attention span smaller than the length of an episode of Children’s Hospital. 

It’s not my fault. I blame it on Steve Jobs. Put phone in hand, will use phone, must use phone, this isn’t even a phone, what was I talking about? Sorry, I was texting. Oh yeah, the movie…

I liked the movie. I truly liked it. It’s not how I want that story told though. I want HBO to give me a 5 episode 10 hour mini-series on the capture of that dirt bag.  That’s not even my real issue though; the issue is that the movie was longer than my average sleeping span. I’m serious.  I can’t sleep for more than 2 hours at a time, and the “Zero Dark Thirty” criticism I have is the same one I had for “Django Unchained” and the same one I would have for “Lincoln” had I seen it. Let’s trim the fat. As a nation, and in the film industry.  I just feel like movies shouldn’t be more 

than 2 hours and 30 minutes.

Wait, that’s your review Kevin? Yeah. I’m no Siskel, I’m more of a Sisqo The Dragon.  I liked it, but didn’t love it.  I feel like the Seal Team 6 crew was portrayed to be a bunch of tobacco chewing red necks. Maybe they are, but maybe they aren’t. See how I’m flip-flopping? That’s how I review movies, because I’m not Ebert, I’m more of a Seifert.

Why did I waste my time on this? Because the internet connection at Cowboys Stadium blows, and I’m trying to avoid my peers in the media.  I’m not proud of it, but that’s the truth. Social anxiety is a tough thing, plus everybody is being blowhards about this college basketball game between a couple teams that I don’t even know right now. Okay it was Michigan and Florida. I can’t tell a lie. Oh look a vacant seat in the Florida band…and an available trumpet…….